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Pastoral Theology Training (Course 308) - Lesson 2: Establishing Pastoral Relationships

2022-01-04 5,688 308 Course - Pastoral Care Theoretical Foundation Training

Course Recording

Q&A Recording
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Pastoral Theory Foundation Training (Course 301) - Lesson 2 Assignment

  1. Please listen to the above recordings.
  2. Take good notes.
  3. Based on the topic of this lesson, raise your confusions or questions.
  4. Submit your notes and questions to your pastoral zone leader.
  5. Then proceed to the next lesson.

(06:00)

  1. Several biblical perspectives: 1. The Lord is my shepherd; 2. Jesus said, "If you love me, feed my sheep"; 3. The church is the army of the Lord. I would like the pastor to briefly introduce how to connect these perspectives. For those who are new to seeking, how to start a dialogue with them and provoke their reflection on the concept of "church"? (Qinqin)

(15:40)

  1. A new sister is facing problems with her homework. She cannot type, and I taught her to share using voice messages. She feels that she is not well-educated and illiterate. She values prayer. How should I teach her in this situation? (Suni)

Issues in Establishing Pastoral Relationships

  1. I find that most people like to teach others, even when they know they are talking nonsense. When you correct them, they turn around and try to teach you, resulting in a life filled with conflict. Is a pastoral relationship a top-down relationship, and must the friendship aspect be removed to have a pastoral relationship? Can a pastoral relationship coexist with a peer relationship? (Ben)

(25:30)

  1. Teacher, in building a relationship with a sister I am pastoring, I can help her solve problems by teaching the word of God, dealing with her bad habits, conveying faith, and expressing love. In what other ways can I improve myself and promote the pastoral relationship?

  2. Please tell me, a pastoral relationship is service in love. How should this "love" be measured so that both I and the person being pastored can benefit? (Xuanyun)

  3. Teacher, what should we do when we are serious about pastoring, and the person being pastored seems serious at first, but then we gradually discover that they are just pretending? (Xuanyun)

(34:10)

  1. Teacher mentioned in the course that we are a loving whole, and whether we can transmit God's love depends entirely on the pastoral relationship. How can this sentence be better understood? (Xiaonai)

  2. Teacher, if a pastor has the heart of a parent, does it depend on the extent of the relationship with each person being served? (Ruying)

  3. To build a pastoral relationship in love, some of the sheep being pastored are passive, do not actively contact the pastor, and do not report their situation. How can we encourage the sheep being pastored to be more proactive? (David)

  4. Teacher, does someone who has some discernment of good and evil still need to establish a relationship? If a pastoral relationship needs to be established, how should it be done? What are some good ways to build a relationship? (Ma Xile)

  5. In the process of pastoring, some people do not have needs for healing and deliverance, and their finances are okay, so they rarely contact the pastor. They just like to listen to the teacher's sermons, but they do not put them into practice. Although it is clear that they love the world and money, the curse does not seem to have come upon them yet. It seems that no matter how much they are taught, it has little effect. Teacher, how can we establish a close pastoral relationship with such a person and help them grow?

(40:10)

  1. Teacher, do you have any special strategies when building a pastoral relationship with someone who is taciturn?

  2. I am currently serving a sister, and the establishment of a pastoral relationship has been quite difficult. What should I do to push it forward? Specific situation: After serving for a few months, I recently started leading her in healing, deliverance, and casting out demons. Currently, the idea of "I don't need to listen to you" is quite obvious. Some basic requirements for new believer training and developing learning habits, such as attending meetings on time and taking notes, are repeatedly ignored after I ask her to do them. She only moves after being pushed a few times. When I try to understand if she is encountering difficulties, her descriptions are of problems that can be solved, but she stubbornly believes that there is no way to solve them, and she does not listen to other teachings. I can feel that she does not want to follow the growth path designed by the church and prefers to follow her own preferences. I think this is related to her not recognizing the pastoral relationship between us. How can we truly establish a relationship next?

(46:15)

  1. When pastoring a sister, she initially showed a strong aversion to me, did not mention prayer requests, and only posted things in the group that she thought needed "prayer." She was also impatient with teachings. Later, she said that she suddenly no longer felt averse and was willing to actively seek me for prayer. Each time I led her in prayer, there was a lot of release. Then I discovered that although she would not argue directly, she did not really listen to the teachings. Her views on tithing, the church, and pastoral relationships were all based on her own internal logic. When I pointed out her problems in the hope that she would be blessed, she just did not understand and kept explaining. In this process, I am often unclear about the extent of the relationship I have established with her. How should I move forward?

  2. What is the extent of a pastoral relationship when the person being pastored does not tell the pastor all their problems but only seeks the pastor when they really cannot solve them themselves? (Baijia)

(53:30)

  1. As a pastor, I am very willing to pastor seriously, but some people (usually those without physical illnesses or who are unwilling to talk about other problems) only want to follow the church to listen to the pastor's Bible study and prayers and do not want to be pastored. They do not think they have any problems and consider the pastor's active concern as a disturbance and control, and they are not appreciative. When the pastor points out areas where they need to grow, they do not accept it. It makes the pastor feel like they are trying too hard and not getting anywhere. How can we establish a pastoral relationship with such a person? How can we inspire a desire to be pastored? (Yanzi)

(1:00:30)

  1. How do we judge a healthy relationship between a pastor and a servant, and what aspects does it manifest in? (Kuailefen)

  2. Is it a healthy relationship when the person being served is very obedient and completes everything the pastor arranges for them? (Kuailefen)

  3. Is "paying the price" the most important thing in pastoring? (Liangliang)

(1:06:30)

  1. In the process of pastoring, I start to become lazy and not as passionate and willing to pay the price as I was at the beginning. Now I am pastoring someone who has the same problem as me. How can we grow together? (Meishaonv)

  2. Whether I am pastoring my own family or other people, my heart is full of enthusiasm, and I feel like I am serious, but the results of pastoring are not optimistic. What is the problem? Teacher, what does it mean to be a serious shepherd?

  3. Does the relationship of mutual love mentioned in the church only exist between the pastor and the sheep? In our current state, with different pastoral zones and different pastors, there are situations where the sheep do not know each other. Does this mean that there is a loving relationship due to being in the same church and having the same Mingding Doctrine? (Qianqian)

(1:16:30)

  1. Teacher, how do we establish a good pastoral relationship? What specific work needs to be done?

  2. Teacher, when the person being pastored and the pastor have different views on the same issue, what should the person being pastored do?

  3. Teacher, the person being pastored has a habit of pretending. What special methods can be used to deal with this in the process of building a relationship with them?

  4. If a person is lukewarm, how do we determine whether it is a spiritual bondage or a problem with the person's attitude? How do we establish a pastoral relationship with a lukewarm person?

(1:21:00)

  1. I was really willing to pay the price to serve Sister XX in the process of pastoring her. She could not lie down to sleep and often felt suffocated. I took her to pray day and night, but later, when I was teaching her and dealing with some of her carnal bad habits, she was very unwilling to listen and did not like to listen to my teachings. She only wanted me to lead her in prayer. I thought that my pastoral relationship with her was very good and that I loved her because I brought her into our Chinese Mingding Doctrine to solve her problems. What went wrong with my pastoring? Why are my teachings annoying? Why is it that I am loving her but being perceived as not loving her? How should this situation be handled? (Meizi)

Carnal Bad Habits

  1. Teacher, please tell me, sometimes dealing with the bad habits of the person being served requires strictness, but also requires grasping the strength. However, it is difficult for me to be strict, and I do not know how to grasp the strength. Can you give me some tips?
  2. How do we pastor people who are "losers"?
  3. Please tell me, "When you see someone growing, the most important thing is to deal with their bad habits. If you want to deal with them, it will be a conflict." If there is a conflict, how should it be handled afterwards? (Xuanyun)
  4. Teacher, how can we build up someone's faith while breaking down their flesh? How do we grasp the relationship and degree between the two? Is it that in the process of breaking down the flesh, the person sees their own growth, and their faith is built up at the same time? (Suni)
  5. When should we push someone to work? There is a full-time mother who only picks up and drops off her children every day and does not have a job. She has been with us for more than half a year. When is a good time to encourage her to work? (Jidian)

(1:25:30)

  1. Some sheep have experienced many of God's graces. As soon as you deal with their flesh, they become anxious, and sometimes they cannot hear the word of God, are unwilling to leave, and cannot move forward. How should we pastor in this situation?
  2. In the process of pastoring, dealing with people's bad habits will inevitably cause conflict. Sometimes, even if there is no conflict, we have to create conflict. Teacher, can you talk about how to create conflict, manage conflict, and transform conflict?

Loving the World (1:27:15)

  1. Through the study of this lesson, I have learned how to establish a loving pastoral relationship with the person being pastored, which is to serve with the heart of a father and mother and to weep with those who weep. Then the teacher also said that pastoring requires learning to deal with people's problems. I feel that this point is not easy to grasp. A sister is very enthusiastic about serving her father and often writes in her notes about how she pays the price to serve her father. She also often runs outside to serve brothers and sisters in other churches. However, when it comes to dealing with her own problems, she often sits on the bed and prays during prayer meetings and then falls asleep. Teacher, is this person pretending? This sister expresses her hope that I can serve her father, but her father has always loved the world and is unwilling to believe in God, so the situation keeps repeating. I feel that serving in this way is also ineffective. So, I would like to ask the teacher, how can we both weep with those who weep and deal with this sister's bad habits in this situation?

(1:32:30)

  1. The person being pastored has gone to the hospital because of a serious illness. In this situation, what else do we need to do besides care and greetings? (Xuelian)

About Lack of Understanding

  1. About lack of understanding. A sister often listens to sermons, but she never understands. For example, she keeps staring at whether her husband is reading the Bible and praying. If he does, she is happy. How should we teach this type of person? (Jidian)

Healing and Deliverance

  1. Teacher, I am very selfish and indulgent to my flesh, but I really want to be someone who serves seriously and pays the price. The biggest challenge is sleep. Sometimes, after going to bed late, I am very energetic the next day, and my faith is multiplied. Sometimes, my head is very dizzy, and my body is uncomfortable, so I indulge my flesh again, and then I blame myself. The pastor said to look at the trend of my growth with a developmental perspective, but I have not been able to implement this. I always feel that this is accepting my sin. Teacher, should I put down these messy thoughts and believe that God will definitely help me?

Pastoring Children

(1:39:15)

  1. I have started pastoring my children. My son is 16 years old, and my daughter is 13 years old. They have both been in the church with us for many years. After studying this lesson, I feel that in terms of pastoral relationships, I have fatherly love for them, but many times I feel that I am too considerate of them. Many times, I feel that if I push them too hard, they will resent it, and the effect will be counterproductive. Is it more difficult for parents to pastor their own children than for ordinary brothers and sisters? Is pastoring one's own children a suitable start for a Christian who is just beginning to learn how to pastor? (Bryan)

Financial Issues

(1:41:45)

  1. I have been serving a sister for about four months. When she first came, it was because of financial problems. She and her husband had always been scammed or failed in their investments for decades. Not long ago, they borrowed 600,000 to invest in tungsten mines, but because various procedures could not be completed, it has been stalled. The partner said they would refund the money, but it has been delayed for more than a month. This sister is very worried. My question is, should I be concerned about her financial problems or the problems behind her financial problems? This sister is easily worried about worldly things and has a very lacking mentality, so my idea is to build her faith in God so that she can become someone who trusts in God. Is this correct? (Weivian)

About Pastoring Family Members

(1:47:30)

  1. The church teaches us about the relationship between pastoring and being pastored. If we are not inside the church, such as in family relationships and workplace relationships, how should we build healthy interpersonal relationships? Can we apply this spiritual principle? How do we apply it? Thank you, teacher, for your guidance. (Anqi)

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