Key Factors in Interpersonal Communication

Communication is Integral to Life

We, brothers and sisters, must begin to understand today the key elements of communication.

Communication is integral to our lives. If you are in business, you must communicate with your customers; whatever you do, communication is essential. Recently, our house was being renovated, and I enjoyed being involved in the renovation, but I encountered many design issues. Design issues require communication with the designers, telling them what I need, but I found it difficult to make myself clear.

Sometimes I don't know what I want. I found it difficult to communicate with people during this renovation, so I racked my brains trying to figure out how to express what I wanted. Then I spent a whole month figuring out what I needed. How can you communicate with others if you don't know what you want or what others want?

Communication reflects a person's intelligence. When I first graduated from university, I met a company owner who told me, Xiao Liu, articulate people are smart, but smart people are not necessarily articulate. Articulate people are smart; don't assume that inarticulate people are smart.

Today, we must all know one thing: people who make a living by speaking are formidable! Our God is a God who makes a living by speaking; God said, Let there be light, and there was light. Being articulate is closely related to your life. Why do I want people to learn sales? Not to make money through sales, but to train you to be articulate.

Articulateness as a Manifestation of Intelligence

A person's articulateness is a manifestation of intelligence. Humans speaking differs from the devil speaking. The devil's words corrupt people, but our words should edify them. Isn't it about communication? It cannot be communication without conveyance. The effectiveness of communication determines the effectiveness of speech.

One person partnered with another in business, and both claimed they wanted 30 percent of the shares, leaving you with 70 percent. But the other said you could only take 10 percent, and they would take 90 percent. After much back and forth, they couldn't agree. Later, they found someone who conveyed it through. What did this person do to resolve the matter? Why did the person later agree to take 10 percent?

In business, being a minority shareholder with 49 percent is the most unfortunate. If you are a minority shareholder and they are the majority shareholder and executor, the problem arises that losses are shared according to the shares. Is it 30 percent or 10 percent? You must clarify things, not just think about making money, but also about losing money. People are foolish because they only think about making money and not losing money.

My brother is an electrician, and his work is very tiring. I gave him an idea, which he initially rejected, but after I spoke to him and continued to explain, he gradually saw the potential. A pastor cannot be dense; if a pastor is foolish, no one will be convinced by you. You must be able to shepherd people from a high perspective.

Wisdom is Key to Solving Problems

You can communicate with people because you can convey it through. Eloquence and slick talk do not solve problems. Having intelligence and wisdom in your mind is key to solving problems! Today, our brothers and sisters often fall into a pitfall: only thinking about one aspect of the problem and not considering the other, making it impossible to communicate with others.

So, today, we need to know where the problem lies. The problem is actually finding the essence of the matter, and then it conveys through. Being able to create a win-win situation naturally leads to conveyance. The main issue in communication is a win-win scenario. Sometimes you encounter someone stubborn and inflexible, who won't listen no matter what you say. I'll tell you how to communicate: dig a hole and let them jump into it. The key is still wisdom; lacking wisdom is devastating.

I have read many books. For example, how do you communicate with your family? Some girls return home, and their parents desperately urge them to find a partner and get married. If I were a girl in my 30s who hadn't married, my parents would definitely be anxious. You can answer like this: No problem, I'm as anxious as you are, but marriage isn't about finding someone randomly on the street. Don't be confrontational; it doesn't solve the problem.

I often encounter people discussing ethereal matters, even talking about marriage when they don't even have a partner. Some people often ask me, Pastor Liu, should I take this job? I ask, Have you gotten it? They say no, I have an interview, so what are you worried about? Wait until you get the job before deciding whether to take it.

The Foundation of Communication

Always strive for a win-win situation. For example, with job hunting, doesn't the employer need someone who can find a job? The question is, how deeply do you understand this matter? You can't just think about yourself; selfish people are foolish, only thinking about making money and not about losing money. What is the foundation of communication? First, people's needs; second, win-win scenarios; third, the logic must be coherent.

Articulate people are able to make sense. When I encounter serious matters, you see that I am not anxious or agitated. Later, I explain the logic, and the person understands. You make the logic and the stakes clear. Having a win-win mentality is crucial.

There is a book called The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. How can you know if you don't read? Many people get headaches when they read, and they want to sleep. People become very foolish if they don't read. If you don't have the habit of reading, you need to start reading properly, improving yourself daily.

Why do we shepherd? The process of shepherding trains your verbal skills; shepherding can determine a person's potential. Some people cannot be shepherded because they don't know how to communicate, they don't understand human nature, and they only think about themselves. Second, they don't know what a win-win situation is. When you shepherd them, you grow, and they grow, which is a win-win.

Yesterday, I prepared to minister to my mother, knowing that she was under spiritual bondage and felt many grievances. I provoked her, and she was released. The logic must be coherent; people are not foolish; everyone wants to live well. Being stubborn and rigid is very foolish. I avoid such people because I know it's impossible to communicate with them; they don't listen to reason.

Being a teacher is a matter of conscience; you teach hard, but the grades don't improve. You teach hard, but the grades don't decline. It's miraculous! Being a teacher is an art; if you understand this, you won't be tired. You can't find fault with the boss's work; it all depends on your words. I have an educational philosophy: shaping people's proactive personalities. What are XY and HF doing as they build this team? They are studying educational philosophies, and EJ and WH are also studying; you must have logic.

Chinese characters are very interesting; dao (道) is the dao of road; it is also the dao of morality, and it is also the dao of the way of life. A person is very formidable if they are filled with logical concepts and can speak coherently. Today, we brothers and sisters must learn to make the logic coherent; if you don't have the Dao, no one will follow you. Why did Jesus say: Peter, will you also leave? Peter said: Lord, you have the words of eternal life!

Several Manifestations of Communication Obstacles

First, Illogical

Avoid unreasonable people. It's not that they can't listen to reason, but that the logic inside them is distorted; they speak fallacies and do not pursue truth.

Second, Inappropriate Language

Inappropriate language, unclear descriptions. You find that many people can't speak clearly; like dumplings in a teapot, they can't pour it out. If you put dumplings in a teapot and boil them, can you eat the dumplings? All that comes out is dumpling soup. You have it inside, but you must also have it outside; you must describe it. A person's language ability is very important; language is a person's understanding of knowledge. If you don't know the word, you don't know the essence of the matter.

Third, Emotional

A person cannot communicate if they are emotional. When emotions come, IQ drops to zero. So today, we brothers and sisters must know that being emotional is devastating; we must overcome our emotions, and the way must be open. You can't control others who are illogical or stubborn. But we can control one thing: do we want to be unreasonable? I don't want to be, so I live well.

Fourth, Inaccurate Language

Inaccurate language, study more, train more. So I want everyone to read the Bible clearly. How good it is that you need to start learning to preach and shepherd, which is to train everyone's language skills. Everyone should remember the price that your pastoral areas, group leaders, and small group leaders have paid for you. Continuing to deal with emotional issues will make this person a stable individual.

Fifth, Communication Skills

Communication skills are not the most important. Communication skills are needed, but they are not the most important. Many people train in communication skills, but that's not the key. With the preceding factors in place, laying the foundation, then communication will flow.

In the ongoing training process, mastering the accuracy and skill of language use is crucial. In this process, the most important thing is to demonstrate confidence and fluency. If you cannot express yourself fluently or confidently in your speech, it is useless.

I'll give you an example: conveying the same information while stuttering, doing this and that, others will think you are very unreliable. Even if you are unreliable, you must pretend to be calm. Explain clearly and calmly to people. Don't hide halfway; if you hide halfway, you must hide well. If you hide halfway, others will lose confidence in you because people are easily suspicious and will doubt your motives.

For example, when we receive newcomers, how do we communicate with them and quickly enter into a shepherding relationship? It is through people's words. People's words are spirit; Jesus Christ said: My words are spirit and life.

People must constantly learn to use language; language can corrupt a person. Is that really so? Don't be fooled. These words can make people suspicious and confused.

Conclusion

Be a smart person, learn to communicate, speak堂堂正正 (tang tang zheng zheng, uprightly and straightforwardly), and don't be embarrassed. Being able to speak and handle affairs is being smart. My goal is for everyone to be perfected and edified. No matter how old you are now, live well every day, don't be emotional, and explain things clearly one by one. Don't live in the past, always mentioning old news; our goal is to edify people.