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Pastoral Theology Training (Course 308) - Lesson 2: Establishing Pastoral Relationships

2022-01-04 5,578 308 Course - Pastoral Care Theoretical Foundation Training

Course Recording

Q&A Recording
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Pastoral Foundations Training (Course 301) - Lesson 2 Assignment

  1. Listen to the recordings above.
  2. Take notes diligently.
  3. Based on the topic of this lesson, raise your confusions or questions.
  4. Submit your notes and questions to your pastoral zone leader.
  5. Then proceed to the next lesson.

(06:00)

  1. Several biblical perspectives: 1. The Lord is my shepherd; 2. Jesus said, "If you love me, feed my sheep"; 3. The church is the army of the Lord. I would like the pastor to briefly introduce how to connect these perspectives. For those who are new and seeking, how can we initiate a dialogue with them and provoke reflection on their view of "church"? (Qinqin)

(15:40)

  1. A new sister is facing difficulties with the assignment, as she cannot type. I taught her to share via voice messages. She feels inadequate due to her limited education and illiteracy. She values prayer highly. How should I guide her in this situation? (Suni)

Establishing Pastoral Relationships

  1. I've noticed that most people enjoy teaching others, even when they are spouting nonsense. When corrected, they try to teach you instead, leading to constant friction. Is a pastoral relationship strictly hierarchical, requiring the removal of friendship? Can pastoral relationships coexist with peer relationships? (Ben)

(25:30)

  1. Teacher, in building relationships with the sisters I pastor, I can help them by teaching the Word of God, addressing their bad habits, conveying faith, and expressing love in addressing their problems. In what other areas can I improve myself to foster pastoral relationships?

  2. Pastoral care is loving service. How should this "love" be measured to benefit both the pastor and the one being pastored? (Xuanyun)

  3. Teacher, what should we do when we are serious about pastoring someone, and they initially seem serious too, but gradually we realize they are just pretending? (Xuanyun)

(34:10)

  1. The teacher mentioned in the course that we are a loving whole, and whether we can transmit God's love depends entirely on pastoral relationships. How can this statement be better understood? (Xiaonai)

  2. Teacher, if a pastor has the heart of a parent, does the extent to which this is reflected in each person being served depend on the depth of the relationship? (Ruying)

  3. To build pastoral relationships in love, some sheep are passive, not actively contacting the pastor or reporting their situation. How can we encourage these sheep to be more proactive? (David)

  4. Teacher, does someone who has some discernment of good and evil still need to build a relationship? If so, how should we build a pastoral relationship? What are some good ways to establish a relationship? (Ma Xile)

  5. In the process of pastoring, some people do not need healing or deliverance, and their finances are fine, so they rarely contact the pastor. They enjoy listening to the teacher's sermons but do not put them into practice. Although it is clear that they love the world and money, the curse does not seem to have come upon them yet. No matter how much we teach, it doesn't seem to have much effect. Teacher, how can we build a close pastoral relationship with such a person to help them grow?

(40:10)

  1. Teacher, do you have any special strategies for building pastoral relationships with people who are taciturn?

  2. I am currently ministering to a sister, and the establishment of a pastoral relationship has been quite challenging. What should I do to move forward? Specific situation: After ministering for a few months, I recently started leading her in healing, deliverance, and casting out demons. Currently, the idea of "I don't need to listen to you" is quite evident. Basic requirements for new believers' training and the development of learning habits, such as attending meetings on time and taking notes, are often ignored after I request them. She only moves after being pushed several times. When I try to understand if she is facing difficulties, her descriptions reveal problems that can be solved, but she stubbornly believes that there is no way to solve them and does not listen to other teachings. I can sense that she does not want to follow the growth path designed by the church and prefers to follow her own preferences. I think this is related to her not recognizing our pastoral relationship. How can we truly establish a relationship going forward?

(46:15)

  1. When pastoring a sister, she initially showed a strong aversion to me and did not mention any prayer requests, only posting things in the group that she thought needed "prayer." She was also impatient with teachings. Later, she said that she suddenly no longer felt averse and was willing to actively seek me for prayer, and she experienced a lot of release each time I led her in prayer. Then I discovered that although she would not argue directly, she did not really listen to the teachings. Her views on giving, the church, and pastoral relationships were all based on her own internal logic. When I pointed out her problems in the hope that she would be blessed, she just did not understand and kept explaining. In this process, I am often unclear about the extent of the relationship I have established with her. How should I move forward?

  2. What is the extent of a pastoral relationship when the person being pastored does not tell the pastor all their problems but only seeks the pastor when they cannot solve them themselves? (Baiga)

(53:30)

  1. As a pastor, I am very willing to pastor seriously, but some people (usually those without physical illnesses or other problems they are willing to talk about) only want to follow the church to listen to the pastor's Bible studies and prayers and do not want to be pastored. They do not think they have any problems and consider the pastor's active concern as a disturbance or control and are very unappreciative. When the pastor points out areas where they need to grow, they do not accept it. This makes the pastor feel like they are trying to force a sale that no one wants. How can we build a pastoral relationship with such a person? How can we inspire a desire to be pastored? (Yanzi)

(1:00:30)

  1. How can we judge a healthy relationship between a pastor and a servant, and what aspects does it manifest in? (Kuailefen)

  2. Is it a healthy relationship when the person being served is very obedient and completes everything the pastor arranges for them? (Kuailefen)

  3. Is "paying the price" the most important thing in pastoring? (Liangliang)

(1:06:30)

  1. In the process of pastoring, I start to become lazy and not as passionate and willing to pay the price as I was at the beginning. Now I am pastoring someone who has the same problem as me. How can we grow together? (Meishaonv)

  2. Whether I am pastoring my family or other people, my heart is full of enthusiasm, and I feel like I am being serious, but the results of pastoring are not optimistic. What is the problem? Teacher, what does it mean to be a serious shepherd?

  3. Does the relationship of mutual love mentioned in the church only exist between the pastor and the sheep? In our current state, with different pastoral zones and different pastors, the sheep may not know each other. Does this mean that there is a loving relationship due to being in the same church and having the same Mingding Doctrine? (Qianqian)

(1:16:30)

  1. Teacher, how do we establish a good pastoral relationship? What specific work needs to be done?

  2. Teacher, when the person being pastored and the pastor have different views on the same issue, what should the person being pastored do?

  3. Teacher, the person being pastored has the bad habit of pretending. What special methods can be used to deal with this in the process of building a relationship with them?

  4. If a person is lukewarm, how do we determine whether this is a spiritual bondage or a matter of their own attitude? How do we build a pastoral relationship with a lukewarm person?

(1:21:00)

  1. I used to be really willing to pay the price to serve Sister XX in the process of pastoring her. She couldn't lie down to sleep and often felt suffocated. I took her to pray day and night, but later, when I was teaching her and dealing with some of her fleshly bad habits, she was very unwilling to listen and didn't like to listen to my teachings, only wanting me to take her to pray. I thought that my pastoral relationship with her was very good and that I loved her because I brought her into our Chinese Mingding Doctrine, just wanting to solve her problems. What went wrong with my pastoring? Why are my teachings annoying? How do I handle the situation when I am clearly loving her but am perceived as not loving her? (Meizi)

Fleshly Bad Habits

  1. Teacher, sometimes dealing with the bad habits of the person being served requires severity, but we also need to grasp the strength. However, it is difficult for me to be severe, and I don't know how to grasp the strength. Can you give me some tips?
  2. How do we pastor people who are "losers"?
  3. You mentioned, "When we see someone growing, the most important thing is to deal with their bad habits, and dealing with them is a conflict." If there is a conflict, how should we handle it afterward? (Xuanyun)
  4. Teacher, how do we build up someone's faith while breaking down their flesh? How do we grasp the relationship and degree between the two? Is it that in the process of breaking down the flesh, the person sees their own growth, and their faith is built up at the same time? (Suni)
  5. When should we push someone to work? There is a full-time mother who just picks up and drops off her children every day and does not have a job. She has been with us for more than half a year. When is a good time to encourage her to work? (Jidian)

(1:25:30)

  1. Some sheep have experienced many of God's graces. As soon as we deal with their flesh, they become anxious, and sometimes they cannot hear God's word, are unwilling to leave, and cannot move forward. How should we pastor in this situation?
  2. In the process of pastoring, dealing with people's bad habits will inevitably cause conflict. Sometimes, even if there is no conflict, we have to create conflict. Can the teacher talk about how to create conflict, manage conflict, and transform conflict?

Love of the World (1:27:15)

  1. Through this lesson, I learned how to establish a loving pastoral relationship with the person being pastored, which is to serve with the heart of a father and mother, weeping with those who weep. Then the teacher also said that pastoring should learn to deal with people's problems. I don't think this point is easy to grasp. A sister is very enthusiastic about serving her father, often writing in her notes how she pays the price to serve her father, and often runs outside to serve brothers and sisters in other churches. However, when dealing with her own problems, she often sits on the bed and prays during prayer meetings and then falls asleep. Teacher, is this person pretending? This sister hopes that I can serve her father, but her father has always loved the world and is unwilling to believe in God, so the situation keeps repeating. I don't think serving in this way is effective. So, I would like to ask the teacher, how can we both weep with those who weep and deal with this sister's bad habits in this situation?

(1:32:30)

  1. The person being pastored went to the hospital because of a serious illness. In this situation, what else do we need to do besides care and greetings? (Xuelian)

About Lack of Understanding

  1. About lack of understanding. A sister often listens to sermons, but her understanding is never clear. For example, she keeps staring at whether her husband is reading the Bible and praying. If he reads, she is happy. How should we teach this type of person? (Jidian)

Healing and Deliverance

  1. Teacher, I am very selfish and indulgent to my flesh, but I really want to be a serious person who pays the price to serve. The biggest challenge is sleep. Sometimes after going to bed late, I am very energetic the next day and my faith is multiplied. Sometimes my head is dizzy and my body is uncomfortable, so I indulge my flesh again, and then I blame myself. The pastor said that we should look at the trend of our growth with a developmental perspective, but I have not been able to implement this point. I always feel that this is accepting my sin. Teacher, should I put down these messy thoughts and believe that God will definitely help me?

Pastoring Children

(1:39:15)

  1. I started pastoring my children. My son is 16 years old, and my daughter is 13 years old. They have been in the church with us for many years. After learning this lesson, I feel that in terms of pastoral relationships, I have fatherly love for them, but many times I feel that I am too considerate of them. Many times I feel that if I push them too hard, they will be disgusted, and the effect will be counterproductive. Is it more difficult for parents to pastor their own children than for ordinary brothers and sisters? Is pastoring one's own children a suitable start for a Christian who is just beginning to learn how to pastor? (Bryan)

Financial Problems

(1:41:45)

  1. I have been serving a sister for about 4 months. When she first came, it was because of financial problems. She and her husband used to invest every time, and they were either cheated or the investment failed, tossing around for decades. Not long ago, they borrowed 600,000 to invest in tungsten mines, but because various procedures could not be completed, it has been stalled. The partner said they would refund the money to them, but it has been delayed for more than a month. This sister is very worried. My question is, should I care about her financial problems or the problems behind her financial problems? This sister is easily worried about worldly things and has a very lacking mentality, so my idea is to build her faith in God so that she can become a person who trusts in God. Is this correct? (WeWeiAn)

About Pastoring Family Members

(1:47:30)

  1. The church teaches us about the relationship between pastoring and being pastored. If we are not inside the church, such as in family relationships and workplace relationships, how should we build healthy interpersonal relationships? Can we apply this spiritual principle? How do we apply it? Thank you, teacher, for your guidance. (Anqi)

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