Introduction

Good day, everyone. Today, we are here to learn how to conduct ourselves. It is essential to recognise that what kind of person you are born as is not the determining factor. Even if you are born beautiful, grow up with a great figure, and look stunning in jeans and high heels, it is all futile if you start speaking with phrases like, My mother said she would buy me a big refrigerator when I get married. This kind of talk reeks of backwardness and ruins your appearance. Thus, the way we speak is a fundamental aspect of how we conduct ourselves.

The first lecture in this series on Conduct focuses on the Basic Skills of Speech. However, merely learning skills is insufficient. Language is a tool for constructing a knowledge system. If your mind is filled with nothing but coarse grains, sesame seeds, and mung beans, that is what will come out of your mouth. This is why some people have cultivation, and some do not. Those with cultivation speak well, while those without cultivation are judged by their character. As the saying goes, Your appearance reflects your heart. What you fill your heart with is what you will become. Therefore, be careful. Some people become more beautiful after following me in faith because their hearts become beautiful. This lesson is not for those who do not believe; it is for those of us who do.

Speaking must have substance, which means speaking from a draft. Over time, the more you speak, the more prepared you will become. It is difficult to grow if you speak without preparation. Casual chatter does not require preparation. I often see people chatting on the phone, enjoying themselves immensely, but their words still smack of dumplings or coarse grains. Occasionally, I meet with other pastors to share our testimonies. One pastor mentioned that he thanked God for finding a convenient website to buy groceries. Everyone was taken aback because his testimony was about the convenience of buying groceries. The reason is that he lacks substance in his speech.

The most challenging aspect of speaking is speaking without a script. Some people can speak for two hours off the cuff, but they themselves do not know what they have said. Some who can speak well without a script cannot write anything coherent. Such people cannot truly speak because they are just rambling. I encourage everyone to learn to speak by writing drafts. Guo Degang has thousands of classic xiangsheng (comedic dialogues) in his mind, and he can draw on them at any time. This comes from practice. If you write enough drafts and practice enough, you can speak even without a script.

If a person wants to talk about freedom without learning to follow the rules, it is difficult. Freedom is meaningless without discipline. If freedom is given to undisciplined people, the result is chaos, like people violating traffic laws despite heavy fines. Therefore, speaking must be practiced; this is called adhering to the rules. Learn from those who speak well by listening and imitating. I have learned everything I know in my life. I was not born knowing carpentry or computer programming. With practice, these things become your own. Thus, I encourage you to practice speaking often. Some farmers are also talkative but tend to ramble. They talk about who in their village is angry with whom, who is upset, who asked for money, or who owes money. They can talk for two hours without stopping. However, if you ask them to write a draft, they are stumped. Therefore, you must practice.

I. Speak with Substance

The first basic skill of speaking is to have substance; otherwise, you can easily stray from the topic. I particularly dislike this kind of person, regardless of whether they are male or female. Do not think that just because you are over forty, you have become an old woman. You can be a mother, but you do not have to be an old woman (in the pejorative sense). An old woman (in the pejorative sense) is someone who speaks without substance, laughs all day, and chats about trivial things every night. They may have limited skills, but they excel at nonsense. Yet, it is a struggle to get them to write a draft.

Speaking must have substance, and substance comes from learning. The boss of one of our sisters often invites employees to lunch, but everyone eats in silence. If the boss does not speak, the employees dare not speak either. I advised her not to speak either; otherwise, she would upstage the boss. She should also learn how to speak and avoid speaking nonsense when it is her turn to speak. The boss's silence is due to concentrating on making money and thinking about how to deduct wages from employees. Such thoughts are difficult to express, and there is no time to organize other content. If a person's mind is constantly focused on making money, it consumes them.

In fact, making money does not require much knowledge, but edifying people requires knowledge. Speaking without substance is a tragedy. Your own father calls and talks only about eating, drinking, and sleeping, and then repeats the same questions a few days later. This is because he lacks other knowledge and is uninteresting. What should you talk about? Discuss a good book you recently read, such as a retirement guide, since your father is about to retire. This is heartwarming for your father because it shows that you care about his retirement plans. This adds substance to the conversation.

For example, when calling, ask your father if he has seen the photos you sent him and what he thinks of the design. Then, introduce the style as rustic, adding more substance to the conversation. You can also talk about decoration, design, or engineering. However, avoid discussing politics, as it is too sensitive and irrelevant to us. Those in positions of power should focus on their responsibilities, while we should focus on our own small affairs. We can discuss management, education, marketing, learning, history, wisdom, investment, and finance. There is much to talk about, but each topic requires learning. Some people feel that I am pushing you to learn, but I only want to pull you out of ignorance and away from mere eating and drinking. If you keep talking about eating and drinking, you are heading for death.

Language is a tool for constructing a knowledge system. If you have not constructed any knowledge system, your speech will likely be limited to discussions about eating and drinking, or concerns about your mother buying you a refrigerator when you get married. It is important to use language to describe what you have learned. Ignorance is a tragedy. If you ask me how much knowledge I have, I have never stopped learning. I do not fear learning slowly. Like the tortoise and the hare, this old tortoise has been crawling for decades and can still go far.

Often use language to clearly describe what you have learned. If what you have learned is too profound or lofty, I may not understand it. However, over time, you will grow and internalize what you have heard and learned. Learning is endless; what is said is heard, and what is written is read. Whether it is about children's education, international relations, international affairs, investment, or problem-solving, the best way to discuss it is by studying the subject matter. I am currently studying how to make people smarter. When I met a businessman, I asked him if there was a way to make people smarter. When our eyes met, we knew that although we did not know the answer, it was a common topic of interest. Sharing our views is called collecting information. Collect as much as you can, and keep thinking and seeking for answers.

In the process of speaking, always convey confidence because we believe that problems will eventually be solved. If you convey confidence, the other person will feel comfortable and open up to you, telling you about their recent study. A skilled conversationalist will respond immediately, noting that solving this problem would be valuable. Then, quickly convey confidence, believing that they can do it because nothing is impossible for a willing heart.

Therefore, conveying confidence must also have substance. If the other person feels comfortable talking to you, they will be willing to share their experiences. If they dislike talking to you, they become upset when they go home and will not want to talk to you. Let the listener gain something; otherwise, what is the point of talking? For example, those among us who are looking for jobs can list several options and discuss them with substance. One of our sisters was graduating from university and looking for a job. I helped her write a resume and gave her a starting point. I suggested that if she was looking for a senior administrative assistant position, she should first write about her career development direction. If she wrote that her career direction was to become a professional cleaner, the person reading the resume would discard it, thinking she only wanted to do cleaning. To find a professional senior administrative assistant position, one must write about their career development goals, which is substance.

Speaking or interviewing must have substance. It would be detrimental to mention during an interview that your mother would give you a refrigerator when you get married. Therefore, we must adjust little by little. For example, doing various ministries among us is like attending university, which trains people. Being a teaching assistant and commenting on students' assignments is a good opportunity to train yourself. A few days ago, one of our sisters asked me if I had listened to her recorded comments. I listened twice and found that she spoke well and had improved significantly compared to a few years ago.

II. Speak with Logic

Recently, I have noticed that our brothers and sisters have a characteristic: their logic is very muddled, and their cause-and-effect relationships are incorrect. In fact, many humorous jokes come from incorrect cause-and-effect relationships. I watched a short video where a teacher asked a dozen children the same question: which university do you want to attend in the future? The first child answered 清华 (Qinghua), the second said bake bread, and the third said bake chicken legs. Finally, the fifth child answered 北大 (Peking University), but the sixth child again answered bake bread. This is muddled logic; the answers are irrelevant.

Everything has a cause-and-effect relationship, and logic is the clear description of that relationship. Let me give you an example of incorrect logic. If you hear someone say that they recently did a good deed but then went to jail, you would be confused. Why would doing a good deed lead to jail? It turns out that they did a good deed but also did many bad things. The description of the relationship between events is confused, making it sound comical. If people do not develop good logic in their minds, it will be problematic. Researching cause-and-effect relationships is logic. We talk about the first thing, then the second, and the third, and each thing is related. However, if the sentences are completely unrelated, it will be confusing, and people will not know what you are talking about.

Speaking must have logic, which requires practice. Especially for the sisters, many of them have muddled logic. They start doing something without understanding the relationship between that thing and another. Of course, this is not just limited to sisters; some brothers are also like this. There is a story with clear logic about 触龙 (Chu Long) meeting 赵太后 (Zhao Empress Dowager). At that time, the State of Zhao was facing a crisis. The neighbouring State of Qin was about to attack them, and they asked the State of Qi for help. Qi's condition for providing troops was that the Crown Prince of Zhao must go to Qi as a hostage. Like borrowing money, collateral is needed; that is secured lending. However, the Crown Prince of Zhao was the son of the Zhao Empress Dowager. No one could say or mention this, because the Empress Dowager did not care if the country was destroyed, but her son could not be a hostage.

When 触龙 (Chu Long) went to see the Zhao Empress Dowager, she immediately responded that it was absolutely impossible to persuade her to let her son go to another country as a hostage. 触龙 (Chu Long) said that he came to discuss with the Zhao Empress Dowager about her son becoming king. The Zhao Empress Dowager felt that her son was the Crown Prince, and his future as king was unquestionable. 触龙 (Chu Long) said that if he was not allowed to be a hostage now, he would not be able to be king in the future. These words were very skillful. The Zhao Empress Dowager immediately offered her son. When the country was about to perish, as the Crown Prince, if he could not save the country or make his due contribution, he would not be able to be king in the future, and it would be shameful.

Therefore, people must speak with logic. There are many such stories if you read ancient literature. The story of 司马光 (Sima Guang) breaking the jar is similar. It is problematic if the logic is incorrect. A young man was not doing well at work, and his boss said that he did not want to fire him, but he really needed to learn because he was not good at his job. The boss said that he could stay and learn, but when the young man heard this, he said that he would leave when the boss found someone else, which angered the boss. This is an illogical response. It is as if he can still do something before someone else is found. The result of a person's muddled logic is that they do not know how to conduct themselves.

Today, conducting ourselves must have substance, connotation, cultivation, and logic. People often speak illogically. The son of one of our sisters was looking for me, and I guessed that he wanted to talk about his mother's belief in the Lord. After several attempts, I finally contacted him. He immediately told me that his mother was not happy in her faith and was very rigid because of our Chinese Mingding Doctrine. I understood immediately, and my response was not polite. I told him that when his mother first came to us, she was in pain all over, and she had been well for the first two years. Later, she relapsed, and he knew about it, but he did not understand why.

I told him that we are Christians, and we act according to what the 《Bible》 says. If you bring me a 《Quran》, we would be talking at cross purposes. If you bring me 《Buddhist Scriptures》, I have never read them and would not be able to discuss them. If we are accountants, we follow accounting rules. If we are in construction, we follow building science. Building bridges has its science, and building airplanes has its science. You cannot use the 《Bible》 to build an airplane; it will definitely not work. Conversely, you cannot use a book on building airplanes to discuss the 《Bible》; it will not make sense. The reason why his mother's illness relapsed after recovering is that we read the words of God and try to put them into practice, but we are not doing enough. As we spoke, he realized that he could not argue with me because my logic was very airtight.

Everything must be logical. What you describe in the workplace is mostly logical analysis. Doing this will increase performance, and doing that will decrease performance. It is a very simple principle. People with muddled logic are prone to illness. Today, I want to train everyone not to be self-righteous and to know whether their logic is correct. Without knowledge, logic cannot be correct. Someone has cancer and a cancer personality. When I was ministering to him, he told me that his mother was very bad and wanted a million dollars from him. However, after thinking about it, I cannot easily believe what a person with cancer says. I went to his mother to verify.

His mother said helplessly that this child was really incorrigible. She gave him a million for medical treatment, but he would often threaten to kill himself with his mother, throwing tantrums. The mother, exasperated, said in anger, asking him to return the million she gave him for treatment. But his mother couldn't possibly want his money, so the logical confusion of a person will certainly lead to misfortune. Otherwise, how would he get cancer? People without logic get themselves tangled up without even realizing it as they speak. It's like Zhao Benshan and Fan Wei's sketch about selling crutches. As they sold, the crutches were sold, but the person buying the crutches was tricked into being lame even though he wasn't originally. People must have logic. When emotions arise, their IQ drops to zero, and their logic becomes chaotic, so be careful when speaking.

III. Speaking with Emotion

Now that I've spoken so much, you still may not know how to speak well, because there's still a lot to learn. It's not difficult to speak with emotion. Just bring out the usual chatter you use in casual conversations, and that's quite emotional. One day in a coffee shop, I saw a person at the next table speaking animatedly, with gestures. It was obvious they were a direct sales person. Direct sales people are very good at speaking and very emotional; I have to admire that. Nowadays, direct sales people are also called micro-businessmen. When they speak, they gesticulate wildly, their facial muscles move freely, and their expressions are very rich. If things are selling well, it's written all over their faces. Tricking someone into paying nine thousand eight, ten people is ninety-eight thousand. The distributors I've seen can all speak well and are very emotional, but they are con artists.

We shouldn't think that others are completely wrong. People who can do direct sales must know how to speak. You have to learn from them. We are not learning direct sales, but learning how they can speak. With eloquent tongues, they confuse people and make them willingly hand over their money, deceiving them layer by layer. Of course, I don't encourage you, nor do I stop you from doing direct sales; that’s your freedom.

When people speak with emotion, they have penetration and can have feelings with joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness. When our brothers and sisters give testimonies, they tell everything in detail, what happened, how they got depression, and how they got better. Describing it with emotion makes a difference. The worst testimony is saying they got depression, and the pastor prayed for them, and they got better. No one knows how they got better, thinking I am a divine man. In fact, I put in a lot of effort, going back and forth. To give a testimony, you have to know how to speak, to be vivid, emotional, and truthful. People cannot be cold-blooded animals, speaking with the precision of one plus one equals two.

Having emotion requires having a story, so we must tell stories. I especially love telling stories. Everyone can listen to the stories I tell in the Bible study of 《Genesis》. I like those stories because they all speak to the heart. Rebekah hoped to marry into Abraham's wealthy family, always thinking about getting her Mingding Doctrine, always studying how to get the enemy's city gate. If there are no emotions in the heart, it is impossible to tell it well. I tell the 《Genesis》 and 《Ecclesiastes》 especially well. Here, I also take the opportunity to advertise a bit. Those who want to imitate can follow this practice; it's really good.

Emotion is a good thing because it doesn't cause problems and it's not just mood. Think about it. For example, I say that I love my job, and it is a blessing for any boss to have an employee like me. At that time, I finally found a job and cherished it so much. The boss gave me a problem. Everyone else had left work, but I was still doing it, still doing it until eight or nine o'clock in the evening, then going home to continue doing it. The old computers were big iron boxes, very heavy, with plenty of materials. I put it in a bag, carried it on my shoulder, and carried it home. Just as I was about to get on the bus, I met the boss driving by and asked what I was doing. I said the work wasn't finished and took it home to do. Today, you would feel annoyed taking a laptop on the bus, but I was carrying a big iron box. At that time, the boss was so moved that he was about to cry and told everyone that he had never seen such an employee.

When you are speaking, you have to think about it and integrate your emotions into it. I know that some brothers and sisters have somewhat stiff emotions, probably from reading too much. Our emotions, such as the love of work, must be expressed in words with our inner enthusiasm. If you say there is no enthusiasm inside, then express it once, it doesn't matter. Expressing the emotions inside, the boss will definitely think you are a good employee, and all that's missing is this spark. Many of our brothers and sisters speak like broadcasters, cold to the bone, very cold-blooded.

It won't work without emotion. Teaching everyone to speak today is actually quite practical. I have read a lot of materials, but I don't think they speak very well, so I wrote an article myself. To tell a story, you have to have emotions. The emotions inside people have to catch fire, and you have to dare to love and hate. Don't be lukewarm, even being either cold or hot is okay. If you don't have emotions, you won't have enthusiasm for your work, and you can't be human, emotions are expressed with your mouth. We often jokingly ask our colleagues if they love me. One of the colleagues said yes. I said, then shepherd my sheep, and then everyone laughed and edited this clip out.

Whether in the workplace or in the family, everyone should liven up your emotions. That is to say, the mouth should be activated first, and the inside will be activated together. The mouth is gradually activated, and the enthusiasm inside will become more and more elevated. Emotions also come up, and working is not tiring anymore. Not only are words like people, but also what you say is like who you are. Get your emotions fired up, and people will live more interestingly. Don't underestimate your mouth. Once I was promoted to manager, I found that the job was very boring, and I was busy arranging who was on duty, approving who's leave, etc., all trivial matters such as eating, drinking, and shitting. But I couldn't not do it because the salary was good, and I couldn't argue with the salary. But I didn't like doing it, so every day I went to work and sat in my seat and loudly told myself that I had to like this job.

After constantly telling myself this for a period of time, I will definitely like this job, actually deceiving myself. However, I really tricked myself, and later I liked being a manager because I understood how to do the manager's job, just like I now understand how to do the pastor's job, and I am doing it very comfortably. Don't think that it's called hypnosis. In fact, human language is very interesting. If it can't be explained, it's said to be hypnotizing yourself. In fact, that's a declaration of faith, it is a declaration of your faith that you will like this job in the future. That is to say, today we must have emotion is a declaration of faith. This is how to speak. To say words of faith, words of emotion.

IV. Speaking with Flavor

I usually speak with such ups and downs. Saying the same thing is important twice, as long as the tone is different, the meaning will be completely different. Using voice and tone to emphasize the key points is amazing. You will find that I repeat some content when I speak. It's not too much to say important things five times, let alone three times. It's not like elementary school students reading texts. Occasionally imitating a local dialect is okay. My mother wants to give me a large refrigerator. This tone sounds ordinary, but if you say my mother said that when I get married, she will give me a big refrigerator, this is interesting.

However, criticizing someone must be done in a very stern tone. If you arrange something for a child, you must use a very firm tone. For example, the child is crying there, and the whole family is busy around the child for half an hour, sweating all over, and their clothes are wet in the hot weather, but the child is still crying non-stop. I let them rest for a while. This is my specialty. I know how to do it. You have to think of ways when you talk to children. They say, little ancestor, don't cry, you are crying like an ancestor. Everyone must be familiar with this. Some people treat children at home as little ancestors, which is not okay. I have to do it like this, using a very serious, stern tone to tell him to cry hard. The child thought it was a ghost coming and was scared. Face the refrigerator and cry with the image reflected on the refrigerator door. I relax on the side and tell jokes to everyone.

After the child cried for a minute, he found that nothing happened. We were laughing and joking, eating melon seeds, eating peanuts, and talking very lively. The child stopped crying and turned around to look at us. I thought it wouldn't work, if he wanted to cry, he couldn't stop, he had to continue crying. So he cried for another minute and stopped by himself. Then I walked over and asked if he didn't want to cry anymore, and asked him if crying was also very uncomfortable. He also admitted that it was uncomfortable and didn't want to be uncomfortable anymore, so I invited him to be my good friend. Language carries authority, being gentle when it should be gentle, compromising when it should be compromised, bargaining when it should be bargained, and being stern when it should be stern. This language is very interesting. If you can't speak, you can't be human. If you can't even handle a child crying, you can only be a ghost.

V. Speaking with Propriety

I only know how to say Smecta in Korean, which means honoring the other person's words. Opening with hello, Smecta, saying you are bad also comes with Smecta, all with honorifics, called honorifics. So be careful when speaking, be proportionate, and there are obvious differences in the words. If you can't speak, you can't be human. If you can't be human when the child is crying, you will only be busy and sweating all your life, and that will ruin you.

Subordinates have the language of subordinates, superiors have the language of superiors, and peers have the language of peers. If our brothers and sisters go for interviews and find jobs, they have the language of finding jobs. A son should be like a son, parents should be like parents, and grandparents should also look like grandparents. This is knowledge and a rule. People who don't understand the rules and have no sense of propriety speak in a way that is annoying, which is also a sign of not being able to be human. If you want to be able to be human, you have to learn to speak. I originally wanted to teach the language of the workplace, but many of us are not in the workplace. After speaking, they are still upset. It doesn't matter, what I am talking about today can be used anywhere.

Speaking is about having propriety, and the words spoken are symbols of identity. What identity you are, speak what you say. For example, telling a child not to cry, directly and seriously ask him what he is crying about. But the same words cannot be used on elderly people. When speaking to elderly people, you have to say gently, do you have something on your mind? If you want to cry, let's cry together, I'll accompany you. Saying this is in line with the identity of being a son, and you can't mess it up. It would be troublesome to tell a child to accompany him to cry, he will cry more happily because someone is accompanying him.

VI. Speaking to Edify People

The motivation for speaking should not be to harm people, but to edify people. Because we do not admire the culture of strong people, the logic system of strong people. We are the logic system of priests, speaking is to edify and bless people. We came into this world to be a blessing to others. If you haven't blessed anyone today, then say a few words of edification. When speaking, you have to understand what people want. For example, in the company, you should get a salary increase, but you have not been given it, and you have not been given a professional title. You come to me for a drink to relieve your depression. You have to drink with people and say cheers to his future promotion. If he complains that he can't be promoted at all, and he hasn't been evaluated this time. You say that you will definitely be able to be evaluated in the future, and his boss is testing him, don't be discouraged. If people scold the leader, you have to persuade him not to get more and more angry. You can scold his leader, but he can't scold him. After scolding him, the next day when you go to work, the traces of the scolding the day before are written on your face, and there will be no chance of promotion in the future.

Tell him to act as if nothing happened, it doesn't matter if you suffer losses, his boss will regret not promoting him at that time, he was wrong. In the future, develop the habit of saying words that edify people, don't talk nonsense. Some people don't edify people, and they say, who wouldn't be angry if this happened to them? Just looking at it makes me angry. As soon as the words fall, the other person is even more angry, and this does not edify people. The problem is that our motivation for speaking is to edify people, don't look for more trouble for no reason. You have to know what people want, maybe it's just a few words of comfort from you. However, comfort is not effective, but if you can speak, tell him what is this, haven't you read 《Ecclesiastes》? I was just telling him about 《Ecclesiastes》 a few days ago, why are you like this today? People will understand when they hear it. These words of edification are effective.

Sometimes people are just cheap, comfort is not effective, smoothing the front chest and stroking the back only makes him feel more blocked inside. This is not how you do it, you have to know how to speak. Sometimes you can add a sentence, let the other person not be angry first, and pray with him. For example, tell him that you finally have a feeling inside, that God is testing him, and he must overcome it this time. Let him know what else needs to be dealt with inside, otherwise the loss will be great. Don't talk nonsense like two old women, and then go back and quarrel with your husband. I can speak because I have logic. After speaking, her husband is comfortable when he sees her, because he has fewer quarrels with her. If I say less quarrels, the husband will definitely thank me.

It is difficult for selfish people to understand others. Just thinking about themselves makes it difficult to solve any problems, and they are not good at speaking. The words they say are unpleasant. Today, start to change, completely adjust the underlying logic of speaking, speaking is to edify people. That’s all for today, may God bless everyone!